"When you want to change someone's mood, mind or willingness to act, ask yourself not "How can I win this argument?" but "How can I win agreement without anger?" says rhetorics expert Jay Heinrichs, author of Thank you for Arguing... Figure out what you want, then go about getting it.
"Never debate the undebatable," he says. "Instead, focus on goals." Control the mood with volume, tone, stories. Watch for persuadable moments, And most important, be agreeable -- express similarities and shared values; show people that you have their best interest, as well as your own, at heart.
And never discount the power of bringing up someone's peer group, says Robert Cialdini, Arizona State University psychologist turned consultant, who wrote the book on persuasion (Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion). He points to an energy company that placed monthly hangers on doors to let people know where they stood on energy use compared to their neighbors - and reduced usage by 3.5 percent. "It's not peer pressure as much as 'social evidence," says Heinrichs. Evolutionarily, it's proven smart to do what those around us in similar situations have done."
- Psychology Today
"Never debate the undebatable," he says. "Instead, focus on goals." Control the mood with volume, tone, stories. Watch for persuadable moments, And most important, be agreeable -- express similarities and shared values; show people that you have their best interest, as well as your own, at heart.
And never discount the power of bringing up someone's peer group, says Robert Cialdini, Arizona State University psychologist turned consultant, who wrote the book on persuasion (Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion). He points to an energy company that placed monthly hangers on doors to let people know where they stood on energy use compared to their neighbors - and reduced usage by 3.5 percent. "It's not peer pressure as much as 'social evidence," says Heinrichs. Evolutionarily, it's proven smart to do what those around us in similar situations have done."
- Psychology Today
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